I'm back! Costa Rica mission, Rev. Denise....trip from feakin' HELL !!!!

Ahhhh...its good to be back on U.S. soil!

My mission trip with Rev. Denise was a fantasy come true.  With all the lucious signals exchanged between us prior to our departure and the promise of sharing a hut with my dream woman, I was SO ready to go. 

We packed the bus for the airport.  Denise was looking quite spiffy in her form fitting Tommy Jeans, UCLA sweat shirt and North Face jacket.  Her hair was extra stunning and bouncy and had a nice, fresh smell.  I couldn't breath her in enough.  Her husband, Becker, drove the bus to drop us off at the airport.  As expected, this caveman ran the bus up on a curb bursting one of the tires.  We had to walk with our luggage and supplies over a quarter mile to the terminal.  He just kept saying "dudes, I am so totally sorry!"  What a meat head.

Finally, Becker was gone and I was walking with Denise through the terminal.  She looked at me and said "I am so glad you are going."  Oh, man...her lips were glistening wet when she said that.  I was so glad I was going too.  We checked our bags and headed off through security.  Now, you all know airport security.  TSA workers think they are FBI agents.  Give someone a badge and they think they are James Bond! 

As I went through security and was putting my shoes back on I heard a voice behind me say...."Ma'am do you have a perscription for these?"  I looked behind me and was seized with HORROR!!!!  To make an aweful story mercifully short, the TSA caught Denise with over 200 pills of Oxycontin!  No Rx!!!  That's right folks...Hillybilly heroin!  Rev. Denise was taken into custody. 

I climbed aboard the airplane crushed!  To make it worse I was in the middle seat between a fishy smelling woman and a man who ate one oily, sloppy sandwich after another!  It was the longest flight of my life......this could have been a new form of CIA tourture!

We took a hot bus to El Peje for the mission project.  No advance supplies had been sent, so we had to sit around for four days with little to do.

Now, my roomates (sans Denise!) were the Bible Thumber and the 300 pound woman.  Bible Thumper caught a bad case of diarrhea and stunk the hut up.  He blew up every pair of shorts he had!  He asked to borrow my new Ralph Lauren khahki shorts, but I told him to drop dead.  The OBESE woman gave me a horrible fright, too.  I got a FULL VIEW of her coming out of the shower...naked!  NAKED!  My Lord!  I worry something happen to my brain that triggered the eqivalent of chemical castration!  She must own the record for the most moles, warts and skin tags per bodily sqaure inch! 

The supplies arrived and we did get a couple days work in.  That was good, ultimately that is why we were there and it made the time pass faster so I could finally get HOME!

I was devasted.  My dream and fantasy came to a crashing hault.  When we arrived back home, I learned Rev. Denise has been forced on "indefinate leave of absence."  Becker has just disappeared. 

To drown my sorrows I leave in the morning for Atlantic City!  I need some gambling therapy NOW!  I may need to watch some strippers for a couple of hours to clear my head of Obese Woman. 

***Doc shakes his fist in the sky at the Lord and cries out "Why God?  Whhhhhyyyy????"

OOOH MMMMYYYY GOOOOODNESSSSSS..
you poor poor man...
you're gonna need more then therapy.. maybe shock treatment...
good gosh all mighty bee geeezzzzzz

Wow what a disaster.  What can I say.

What on earth possessed her to be carrying drugs.  So the "not so squeaky clean" rev. has shocked you I'm guessing. 

A stinky hut and a naked woman you don't want to see naked - the mind boggles.

Bad luck and sorry it was so awful.  I hope you have better fun in Atlantic City.

blue

Hi Doc,

First of all i must say Welcome back!!! I so missed our romantic jester!!! While you were gone not visions of sugar plums danced in our heads, but rather lips of red wine and salty nuts loomed in the air for our resident doc!

The doom, the gloom.....the crowd sighs in disbelief as the serendipity connection was some how lost at the hands of our homeland security.

She is disappears........but the signs are everywhere. On every street corner...on every magazine you pick up....to every billboard you see! She is there........her flame still burns an internal ember within you.

Disappeared.........not a chance!! Listen closely.......she whispers your name......she will be back and you will conquer your damsel in distress!

Lips

Ouch!! 200 oxys??

I won't dis the rev, but THAT'S a bit unusual!!

Maybe someone from above saved your ass (and Soul) from major trangression and a jail term??

The experiences later almost made me urp my Cheetos...

Wow...sorry to hear that! At least you were able to get some work done which was really the whole purpose of going in the first place right...Just to bad you couldn't help yourself while you were helping others....lol,  Good Luck in A.C.!    Oh and wlecome back!!

Hey, it's a fate better than a lightening strike.  Stay away from the married ones.  Especially if they're Holy.  lol

hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!! good one satan...help yourself while helping others...hahahahaha

OMG Doc...this has been the funniest story i have ever read..
i really am sorry it didn't work out...it was getting interesting, when you didn't sound like a stalker  ;D

i never would have wished anything like that on you, you poor b******.  i don't know which part was worse, but it was all so funny.

i am not really a judgemental person doc...but karma is a bitch, isn't it.  i have learned this all too well myself,  somethings god doesn't seem to have a sense of humor about.

i try to live accordingly.  lol  ;D

Oh myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...............

I have 2 confess I've been anxiously awaiting your return so that we could all find out what happened......

Mannnnnnnnnnnn, I can't BELIEVE that stuff!!!!  So sorry things turned out the way they did......

I'm not the best Christian out there, but I've learned that God most certainly has a plan....... EVERYTHING happens 4 a reason.  So perhaps it's best u found all this out now b4 things got REALLY hot & heavy..

I will continue 2 eagerly await your updates.... take care of yourself... and WELCOME BACK

blueday...you bleeped me
you bleeped bas***d  but not bitch
too funny
i guess its acceptable to be a bitch, but not a bas***d, huh??

hahahahahahahahahahaha       

I appreciate the empathy folks....and yeah, it is a bit funny.  Thanks for helping me see the humor in it!

I am cashing in a CD in the morning and headin' off for some AC therapy!!!!

Good luck to you doc...........we will anxiously wait to see what this trip brings!!

Lips

Good Luck Doc!!

You deserve it after that torture!! 

GLAD UR BACK HOME!!!!  That is HORRIBLE from DREAM to NIGHTMARE!!!!!

A.C. therapy is ALWAYS GOOD!!!!!  You will forget about the nightmare as you're getting a full body massage and throwing in a BLACK CHIP for a tip!!!

Cuz we all know what a black chip can get ya!!!! hehe

Yeah soz about that Nal.  It had to be done but it really did make me laugh.

As for bitch - its ok to have a dog and a bitch so I thought it would be ok.  I can bleep em all if you would prefer. 

its ok blue..made me laugh.  i live to laugh 

beautiful tree you have there!

ditto about living to laugh. 

Yeah - I intended to have a new Christmassy pic every day but I like that one so much, I may keep it for a while.

blue

lol......it's ok to have a dog and say bitch, but a bast****d is just a kid born out of wedlock!!!        [pay me no mind i'm only giving ya a hard time blue]   

Your dead right satan - but bas**** can be offensive to some people....as can of course biatch.   I'll remove them if anyone is offended.


....and back on topic.

blue

Satan you crack me up!!!!

Lips

sorry...would never mean to be offensive
but you know me...it comes naturally...

You weren't offensive at all Nal. 

......and back on topic

blue

Hmm...been 2 days since we last heard from you....is that a good sign?? Extented A.C. trips  usually means good news!!

I am back from AC now.  I lost 1500 but didn't care.  I feel better now.

And yes, I got the massage too!  Worth every penny!

after that miserable trip...i would have taken the massage too 

WELCOME BACK HUN!!!!  Sorry u lost.   :(
I hope you got your money's worth (all $1500) with the massage!!!!! hehehehehehe

GOOD LUCK ALL!!!   GOOD LUCK ALL!!!   GOOD LUCK ALL!!!   GOOD LUCK ALL!!!

Welcome back........baby's back in our arms!!! Here is one great big hug for you.


(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Doc))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


I hope that helps a bit.

Lips

Thanks Lips, that is most action I have gotten in.....well........nevermind!

So, how's the Rev? Any word from Judical arena?

Genenco.....she has dropped of the map, and so has her Meat Head husband, Becker.  I hear they are sending a 72 year old retired clergyman to fill in.  Probably a good thing.

I am going to stick short term "thrills" for now.  Getting emotionally hyped up and then let down is TOO exhausting.  In other words, go to the casino, eat like a pig on the house, get a special massage, etc.....come home with a grin on my face.  MUCH less stress!

Well, if you ever see her again, shake her hand, tell her (If she apologizes for this) that you forgive her and give her your number to call when she feels like it.

Everyone at some time or another wants a "Little" help, encouragement or even...a bit of friendship (With no strings attached.

Sound advice from Genenco.

Glad you had a great time in AC albeit you are a little lighter in the wallet.

blue

that's funny 13    i thought it was me!

i have the same problem with links too...let me know when you figure it out 

Here is the link

No worries 

blue

Well......at least my fantasy debacle got some folks a few laughs!  I have to admit, there are times I just shake my head and laugh.....

Tony:  BEST $ I ever spend.  I highly recommend it to you.  And the best part...after it is over you don't have to visit her parents, go shopping, or have a mushy conversation or worry if you have cuddled enough.  You can even keep the football game going on the TV! 

Now now doc, ya know you want to cuddle and get mushy! Your a romantic at heart.

Lips

Hey Tony, he can't tell us the REAL details, cuz this forum is rated PG!!!!! LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

13.....well, its not THAT special of a massage!

Shelli...hmmmm...I don't think it is quite as graphic as you are thinking! lol  But, we all have our guilty pleasures, huh?

YOU KNOW WE DO DR.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  HEHE