To Wait or Not to Wait......that's the question!

Hiya Guys & Dolls,

Ok so i was having a discussion with a friend of mine as to when is the best time to............well ya know give in the first time to a guy and have sex! This pertains to having a possible long term relationship not just a short fling. Will Giving in too early ruin it or strengthen it?

This first part is for the ladies - Is best to wait a certain amount of time and date for a certain period of time or since we are all adults go for it after the first or second date?

This is for the guys - Naturally ya'll think it would be great to score on the first date! But the real question is if the girl did give it up on the first or second date would you feel differently about her and not pursue her for a long term relationship or since your both adults it wouldn't change how you felt about her.

Lips

The first time you meet someone is not a good idea. There's no connection at that point. Way too soon. I think it all depends on what you want out the relationship. In fact, if you want a relationship then the first date is not a good decision. How long? Idk maybe 4 or 5 dates? Is that too soon?

I agree with Froggy, it depends on what you are looking for. If you are interested only in a casual dating then yeah i think both girls and guys would be looking for  sex on a first date.

But if you are looking for a long term relationship, then yes you gotta give it some time to get to know the person.

Personally I think there has to be a connection , something more than just a physical attraction ( which is necessary of course ).
You gotta find someone that you can relate to, confide in, have a good laugh and fun time with but also rely on them in tough times. And for that it takes time to build that mutual trust and respect.

Then again there is no right or wrong formula here, and just because you had a sex on a first date doesnt mean that relationship is due to bust.
But I guess the timing has to be right.

Im too old to even remember what is like to date

I think the only rule is that there are no rules:-) Just, go with the flow, and see what happens. If it's weird or awkward, better to skip it than be sorry. And if everything feels right, well, then I guess it's the right time!

Circumstances dictate the length of time to wait imho.  You could know someone for a long time and then become lovers - not a lot of point waiting around as you prob know each other so well at this point.  Or it could be an animal attraction - get right on down to it straight away.

I'd say go with the flow, you don't have to get all mathematical about it, calculate the number of dates and so on. Sex does change a relationship but if that relationship is meant to last I guess it eventually would even with "early sex".

Wait awhile.  Wait until you are sure and you will wait too long.  Wait until you are ready and you'll wait too long as well.  Do it.  If it feels good, do it twice.  If you want a relationship, wait!  Wait!  and it might still be too late but it's hardly ever too early. 
good luck with that.

I'm not particularly bothered really. Been with a fair few women, mostly in relationships. The 1's that have done things after a first or 2nd date were from my experience quite "easy" and had been with a lot of guys. That's a bit of a turn off. Otherwise they thought that offering it to me would make me like them more.

The women that were insistent on wanting to wait were the women that I found to be more genuine and the relationships lasted longer.

As for "Naturally ya'll think it would be great to score on the first date!".... No way!!

Actually I prefer not to do anything on the first date because normally I don't expect anything to happen so my room is in a complete mess if we go to mine.

Plus of what happened another time. Let's just say I left adult pictures open in my web browser (1 of them was on an internet browsing tab I forgot to close). I put my computer to sleep mode when I left mine to go on the date. Then unexpectedly she came back to mine and we were quite drunk. I put the computer back on to play some music and to my horror that adult picture came up on the screen. Funnily enough i'm sure that happened twice with 2 different women. They were just as embarrassed as me. 

I agree with Zuga that if you are looking for a long term relationship then waiting is best.

I also agree with Marcus waiting a bit longer builds a "more genuine" relationship.

If getting wild on the first date, there is no real deep feelings for the other person and its sex for the sake of sex with no emotional attachment to each other. I think that having a strong bond/connection with a person is going to make that magical first time ten times better!

Lips

I think that I can sign what Lips wrote. Whatever is the decision, just make sure that you (well, and the other side as well) is comfortable with it, that's it.

I always wondered this about men.... Do you guys ever feel self conscious about your bodies? Are you nervous that first time with someone new?

Well, most of the time, hell yes :-) I think it's more of less the same, except no one calls a guy who sleeps with a lot of women a slut, although that seems really unfair!

yeah gurl! I know what you mean. Most of the time size really does NOT matter. Although freakishly big or small could pose a problem.

              All right you two, let's try and stay on topic here.....that could be a whole other discussion.    This is  weird 'cause I 'kinda feel different now then when I was 21 or so.    I mean it's been sooo long ago I don't even remember dating much anymore.  I agree with Marcus and others about waiting a little longer is probably better if you want to develop a relationship with substance....probably old age talking here.

Nothing to do with old age bongo. I agree with you if you want a relationship. Otherwise go with that animal attraction thing blue was talking about!